Top Dad Jokes

Whether you call him Dad or Coach, just don’t call him after 10pm. We have to admit that something is addicting about how dads can slide a joke into any situation. Like clockwork, dad jokes are always met with a couple groans or eye rolls, but we all know that deep down, we appreciate their cleverness. And to show our gratitude, we have compiled our list of best dad jokes of all time. 

Now you might be wondering, when does a regular joke become a dad joke?  Only after it becomes apparent! 

Funny Dad Jokes

• Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days? They aren’t weak-days.
• There’s a fine line between the numerator and denominator.
• Never buy anything made from velcro, it’s a total rip-off.
• What instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
• Why don’t trash collectors require any training? They just pick it up as they go.
• I went to a concert for just 45 cents, it featured 50 Cent and Nickelback.
• What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells.
• Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Decent food but no atmosphere.
• What did the buffalo say as his son left? Bison.
• Have you heard about the roof joke? Nevermind, it’s over your head.
• What do you call the horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
• I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
• What’s typically the warmest part of a room? A 90 degree corner.
• Never buy anything made from velcro, it’s a total rip-off.
• What did the leader of the hot dog race say to the others? You better ketchup.
• What do you call a factory that produces decent products? A satisfactory.

Classic Dad Jokes

• Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels. 
• How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
• What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
• Why do bees have sticky hair? They use a honeycomb.
• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He eventually woke up.
• My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick. 
• If the early bird gets the worm, then I think I’ll just sleep in.
• Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
• Two people walked into a bar. The third ducked. 
• What car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini.
• Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well. 
• What’s the only island you can drive to? Rhode Island.
• I used to despise my facial hair, but then it grew on me.
• How did the chef clear his head at work? He went for a wok.
• Why did the football team pay in cash? They needed a quarterback.
• Dogs can’t perform MRIs, but catscan.

Best Baseball Jokes

Clever Dad Jokes

• How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
• Why are celebrities never sweating? They’re surrounded by fans.
• Which state gives you the smallest beverages? Minnesota.
• Why couldn’t the bicycle continue? It was too tired.
• Why don’t fruits have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
• I know a lot of jokes about satellites, but they never seem to land.
• Why are goldfish the most dangerous animal? Because they live in a tank.
• Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
• What’s the only shape to ever be knighted? Circles.
• Kids that won’t nap are guilty of resisting a rest.
• Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
• What does a house wear? Address.
• What’s green but smells like red paint? Green paint.
• A haircut is the biggest waste of money. I pay the same to get them all cut.
• Why should you never write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
• Which appliance is the worst to have on a boat? The sink.
• I like telling Dad jokes… sometimes he laughs.
• What does a gross pig and a wizard have in common? Hogwarts.
• Why do pancakes always score a bunch of runs in baseball? They have the best batter.

History of the Dad Joke

While the true origin of the “Dad Joke” far supersedes any notable documentation, columnist Jim Kalbaugh made a plea in The Gettysburg Times to “preserve” the genre of humor. He stated in his article published in 1987 (on Father’s Day) that “[He] would like to propose that ‘Dad’ Jokes not be banned. They should be revered, preserved.” And that is precisely what we have set out to do. We want the world to continue revering and preserving the jokes that have made us laugh our whole lives.

That’s why, if you have left any of your favorite dad jokes off our list, please hit us up on social media. The ones that can elicit laughter from our team will be added to this post!

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